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Out of Darkness Into LightLife went on as usual, and as a teenager I started to get into worldly things. One thing I was certain of was that I would not live a hypocritical life and continue to attend confession in order to take the holy communion and go on committing all my sins again. It all seemed so useless. Yet I had a deep desire to know God and follow Him, while at the same time I lacked the inner strength to take His way (of course at that time His way to me was the Catholic religion). As a result I drifted more and more into the world and I stopped going to Sunday mass completely. Lacking the relationship with, and love of, a father, mine having completely deserted my brothers and me after the divorce, I searched for a way to fill that empty spot in my being. Somehow I never found it, until after many years of suffering, pain and loneliness, the answer came to my door. At that time I was 28 years old, married, carrying my second child, living in Tustin, California, and utterly miserable. I had started going back to the Catholic church, not realizing that what I was searching for was the truth. I would actually start to cry when they sang about the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. The Lord was softening my heart toward Him, yet I didn't know it. However, I had noticed a desire in me to know something more about the formation of the church, and how it all began. I had a question rising up in my being: “What is the Body of Christ?” I started looking for answers in the weekly church handouts, but found only coupons for local donut shops and dry cleaners. I was hungry for God and didn't know it. Meanwhile my marriage continued to get worse. I was so unhappy. Then one night the doorbell rang while I was lying down reading a scary Stephen King novel and I got so paranoid that I dared not open the door. I spoke through the window to the three people who stood on my porch and I asked them if they could please come back another time. I am so thankful that they did return one Sunday afternoon, and we talked for about half an hour on the doorstep. They asked me if I knew about calling on God. I told them I did, because I used to say, “O my God, help me!” I was at the crossroads of my life when these dear believers led me to know my human spirit. I learned the secret of calling on the name of the Lord. To say “Oh Lord Jesus,” even though it seemed a little strange and weird at first, is now so sweet and has become my daily habit. I received the Lord Jesus as my Savior and was baptized calling on His name. The Bible verse that captured me was Acts 2:21: “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” I really experienced rivers of living water flowing out of the depths of my innermost being, just as the Lord said in John 7:38: “He who believes into Me as the Scripture says, out of his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water”. The Lord became so very real to me. I truly felt born again: the grass really seemed so much greener, the sky so much bluer, flowers became so vibrant; life was NEW. I was NEW. I felt as though I could fly; my spirit was soaring. I felt clean, washed, forgiven, loved, and accepted by God! I started to read the Bible, the Recovery Version with the footnotes which really opened up the Word itself, like a can opener opens up a can of food. The words leapt off the page, the Word really became living and operative, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing unto the dividing of my soul from my spirit (Heb. 4:12). I was so happy to know I had a human spirit; now everything made sense to me. The Bible had become an open book to me and my spirit was the key! God the Father, the Son and the Spirit, the very Triune God, had come to live inside of me. When I opened my mouth and I invited Him into me I got regenerated, born again. This was just the beginning, the planting of the seed and now I continue to enjoy the Word, thanks to the ministry of our dear brothers Witness Lee and Watchman Nee and the dear saints in all the local churches who have become a real family to me. It is so glorious to see all the different races and backgrounds all blended into one wonderful expression of God. I thank the Lord from the bottom of my heart for bringing me into the local church where I can be fed with the Word and the truth. Thanks to the precious gifts He gave to His Body in these two faithful brothers, Witness Lee and Watchmen Nee, who poured their lives out for the releasing of the divine truths, I can be brought into God and God can be brought into me. I have such a glorious destiny and I feel indebted to this ministry, which has brought me into the realm of life and light where I can know my dear Lord Jesus in such a sweet and intimate way. I'm so thankful I was saved out of religious formality, the world, sin and death, and have been brought to such a glorious place, the church, which is His Body. Louise Irving-Lai | Back to List |
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